Just Another Day
Today just feels normal for once. It's been a while since I could just chill and enjoy the day. It's nice...till someone will go and screw it up! HAHA! So the v-show tryouts are coming soon and I have two songs in mind, but I dont know which one to do. I figure that out later. I really dont have much to say for once, I just thought I would write SOMETHING since I havent in forever...but no one reads mine so whats the point of writing my thoughs if no one will read them??? I dunno. I;m bored and I ave nothing better to do. Lalalalalalala bordom lalalalalalala im really bored...
S&E TOMORROW!!!
Oh boy! S&E is tomorrow and I'm ok I guess... My stuff is coming along fine, I'm just really bummed that my mom and sister won't be there. And if it wasn't for my wonderful Tina, I don't even know how I would have gotten to SMC. She's really been there for me and I don't know what I would do with out her. Shes the best friend ANYONE could ever want! Ok... I'm done being sappy. So, my Uncle Bill is steadly getting worse and I'm afraid that I won't have a chance to say goodbye. I never do! My Great-Grandma Gerber passed away while I was at school, same for my Honey (it's a nickname I gave my g-ma when I was little). It's just a bummer! Oh well... So, I'm doing my STOOPID math! grr! I hate math! But I should prolly keep on it! Love Steph
*Screaming*
So, today was going good...I had a great morning, till I got to AEI worked my ass off on my math, its really really hard! I try my best, but its not good enough! I finished one of those stupid lessons yesterday and I didn't do so good on the test, so I knew that I had to redo that but when I got on the program I found out that I have to redo the whole damn lesson!!! that was a weeks worth of work down the drain! and now I have to have lesson 6 and 7 done by Friday! It's the freaking middle of the week! How in the hell am I supposted to pull that off? Exams are coming up fast and once its exam week, we have no more time to work on NovaNet! This is really hard stuff and I'm just not getting it! I'm VERY frustrated! And on top of trying to do my math, the program its on kicked me off and the 2 hours of work I did...GONE! This is really pissing me off! All I wanted today was to have a good day, but that has gone down the pooper! I should have just stayed home! I didn't feel to well this morning, I'm fine now, but I'm thinking that I'd rather be at home instead of having to deal with this bull shit. Well, I'm gunna try to get to where I was before I got kicked off.
Why??
Why??!! Why did he have to come around now? I can't see why he could go a hole damn year with out a single word and now hes "oh so proud" of his kids? I don't get it! He caused so much stress in all of our lives, so why now? Can't he just move on and leave me alone? You wanna know why I'm going to college next year, so I won't be a bum like him! I want to do something with myself! Not sit at home a get piss ass drunk everynight! GRRNESS!!!!! ok, now that thats out of the way, if anyone hasn't guessed, my mom got ahold of my father. But that whole situation pisses me off, so... I went x-mas shopping this weekend and I hooked it up for my mama and sister. i spoiled them, and myslef. I just had to buy me a new x-mas outfit and it would have been really expensive but I had this coupon for buy one get one free. It's really pretty! I love to shop!!! I had to go with my cousin Sarah, who is 5 months pregnet. It was kinda depressing because she was going on about how fat she was and how she has no friends. I fell like I'm her only friend and shes lucky that I forgave her for the shit she pulled when the family first found out she was knocked up. She and I wouldn't even be talking if she didn't say sorry and tell the truth about me! But anyways, I'm gunna go to lunch so bye I guess!Love, Stephany
Life Has No Meaning Anymore...
Ha! I love that quoet from Interview With The Vampire. But thats the felling today though. Yesterday, I had to attend a funeral for my Uncle Larry. He's my dads uncle and I really don't have a relationship with that side of the family. I couldn't even carry on a normal conversation with my own g-ma! It pisses me off that no matter how hard I try I'm still "Marty's kid", so I must be a low-life drunk like him then, I must not to amount to anything in my life cuz of Martin! I don't see how they could look down at me because of who my father is! I'm sorry he's a screw up! But don't think that of me! I still can't see how my cousin Dani is the golden child when I wasn't having sex at 13! I didn't have a baby at 15! So why am I the screw up? Why do they treat me like that? I hate it!
Today...
Today is my mama's 38th b-day, and I have to work! Grrness! I hate my job! I'm thinking about after winter break I'm gunna quit. I like having money in my pocket but I'm tired of being treated like shit there. I'm tired of all the nasty drunk farmers hitting on me telling me they wanna take me home and stuff like that. I mean be good looking and not trashed if you wanna tell me I'm pretty. HAHAHA!!! Just kidding, I don't like drunks, they remind me way to much of my low-life of a father. Theres pros and cons but it's a job...Anyways, I'm supposted to be doing math but I don't really feel like it, so I'm not! LOL! Well, whats new in my life...well, I made State Honors Choir (for anyone whom I haven't bragged to), Solo and Ensemble is coming up and I'm preparing a solo and a duet and maybe a quartet SSAA, but Mr.Wurst already told me to be careful not to overwhelm myself. I hate it that I want to do so much and theres never enough time. Graduation is 6 months from Sunday! I can't believe it! I'm planning on attending LMC, but that privet college wants me to come down and audition for a scholarship for their School of Music. I still am not to sure which direction I wanna go but I do know that I will attend music school and be a high school choir teacher. That is my dream! I know that I will never ever regret going to school for music. It's my life, my passion! We'll see where this year takes me. I just hope I do the right thing so I'm not kickiing myself in the ass later down the road.
GRRNESS!!!
So, today I'm feeling really edgey and tired. I'm not feeling to hot, I'm very tired cuz I got called into work last night cuz my co-worker was "sick"! Whatever! Bob and Cathy won't get off my ass about stupid math! I did my hour of math and I'm done for the day! Just cuz I got my work done and have some free time doesn't mean you can make me sit through another hour of struggling! I hate when people try to make me do things that I sure as hell am NOT gunna do! They won't help me on it! All they do is sit there like I'm suppost to know what they are talking about! GRRRRRR!!! I didn't even wanna come in today, the only reason I did is cuz its the end of the marking peroid and I need to make sure I finish my music theory stuff. People just need to back off and let me do my own thing because I'm not in the mood to be pushed around today! I'm just in a mood now because Bob and Cathy are being dictators, like always!I've just got a lot on my mind. One third of my last school year is gone and I'm still clueless on what I'm going to do after high school. I could stay here, I could go to Florida, I could go with my mom and sister and live in Indiana. But I dunno! I've just began giving my name and information out to colleges, and I filled out one or two scholarships. My life is runing by way to fast and I'm way, way behind it. What am I to do? Theres a privet college in Indiana that sounds pretty interesting but I don't know if I want a religious eduation. I went to a privet school and hated it there. I don't even attend church anymore, and I used to sing in the choir, but not anymore. I miss singing in the choir and I miss having "friends" there, even though I didn't! Only dirty little liers who destroy peoples lives cuz they're just jelious of me! I miss knowing that there where people there who cared about me and knew my situation with my ass hole of a father and all. The pastor there really tried to work with Martin, but it didn't work. I dunno, just today is going down hill and I can feel that its only gunna get worse!
